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Sunday, September 06, 2015…written Sept. 07, 2015, 3:10 AM
~~ Cowdog Hawk…Sunday, September 06, 2015 ~~
Hawk and I spent the evening laying on the floor by the big brown chair watching TV. She and I were curled together just like old times…friends to the end. A little before midnight, with her head laying on my arm she looked at me, blinked her eyes, and took in her last earthly air. Her spirit and soul now take in the cool breezes of Heaven. Her nose to the wind, her ears perked upright and the look of a warrior on her face, as I say, “Coyote?..!!” She was fearless, fast, smart, funny, loving, the mother to seven litters of pups to Daddy Bert, and the best grandmother to her children’s little ones. Hawk was the Queen and all others greeted her as such, loved her as such, and gave her the respect earned by a Queen. Bert was her only lover. Hawk raised her last litter of pups the year of 2010 when Daddy Bert died on September 6, 2010. Hawk left me to be with Daddy Bert on September 6, 2015. It is no coincidence that she left me on the same day as Daddy Bert left us. Hawk loved Bert as much as she loved me and I believe she picked her day to move on to see Daddy Bert again. We buried my dad on September 07, 1996. The three things I have loved most in life all buried on the same damn day. The doctoring things are put away. The dishes are washed. The laundry is done. Daylight will bring our last walk to the backyard together. I love her. My heart is broken. I know all too well the cruelness of death and regardless of how I feel the sun will continue to come and go..Some days, I hate life just as much as I hate death. Long may Momma Dog and Daddy Bert run with the angels.

A little more…Hawk was doing really well on the herbal/holistic medicines. She has not had a fever since Thursday evening. A different vet suggested I use a prescribed diet canned food. I gave it to Hawk on Friday evening and by Saturday morning I could tell it has upset her stomach. I tried buffering the issue but was just too late to stop the acid upset. I just should have not taken the vet’s advice and should have continued with what was working and left the vet’s advice go in one ear and out the other.

Drought Year 2012 on a 100+ degree afternoon...My Beloved Hawk...Momma Dog.  Mother of seven litters of pups from Cowdog Daddy Bert. May she have angels wings to fly to meet up with Bert. I love you Hawk.

Drought Year 2012 on a 100+ degree afternoon…My Beloved Hawk…Momma Dog. Mother of seven litters of pups from Cowdog Daddy Bert. May she have angels wings to fly to meet up with Bert. I love you Hawk. I love you too Bert.

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September 5 at 9:35am · Edited ·
~~ Life by the Day ~~
The week from Hell is the few days before Labor Day and the few days after Labor Day. 19 years ago, the Lord came late at night, told my Dad it was time and a few days later we buried the most wonderful man I’ve ever known. 5 years ago, an error I put into motion took the life of my beloved Cowdog Bert. Eternally forever in my backyard in his favorite spot rests Cowdog Bert who died and was buried on the same day as my Dad. Bert’s Tribute is on my website Home Page at http://www.tammyscowdogs.com. 2015 and I am trying to save Cowdog Hawk. The primary doc at the Univ. of MO Vet Teaching Hospital sent me packing the other day stating, “Hawk is circling the drain.” In all my years of working with professionals in the animal medical world, I’ve never had someone so cavalier look at me and speak those words to me. I too, once thought being a veterinarian was my calling. I applied to vet school, got accepted and then told my Dad I was not taking on vet school and that I was going to leave Missouri and go back to my true home of the Sandhills of Nebraska. My father was crushed. But I made the right decision. I’ve practiced animal medicine at levels, settings and geographical locations way beyond where vet school would ever allowed me to go…bar none. I value life even when it is ending and I would “never” use the terminology of “circling the drain” for one of my own animals or the life of a dying animal that I have tried to help a neighbor with. All life is sacred to me and to use the analogy of “circling the drain” is disrespectful, cold, callous, and demeaning. That is my opinion. I brought Cowdog Hawk home the other day and was angry for all the things that I had asked about, probed about, researched about, and got answers of, “I don’t know. We don’t know.” By God, I am here to tell you, saying, “I don’t know. We don’t know.”, is irrelevant to the profession of “you better keep reading and looking”. I don’t have time for, “I don’t know.” I want effort. On that drive home, I decided that Hawk and I were now on our own. The magnitude of mental recalls came flooding into my head. Signs. Little signs of things that I had wondered, thought about, and done on my waiting days at the animal hospital. I got on the internet with a renewed purpose of exploring. The relying on a young and budding professional was over. I won’t go into details at this point because a lot of folks don’t life reading “long” stories over 2 sentences long. The short version is I am using some herbal blends, some raw goat’s milk from a high school friend, some intuition, some trial and error, and lots and lots of spiritual conversation with God. This took me to finding a veterinarian in S Texas who practices holistic medicine. Out of the blue, I called, left a message and you know what…she called back. I returned her call, explained my situation with Hawk and she was more than happy to cite to me her personal experiences with dogs with similar issues and shared options for me to pursue. I got more comfort from this lady than anyone in the last 2+ months. Hawk and I are making progress but this is a long, slow, anxiety riddled journey. I think of all the moms, dads, spouses,and kids who have had a loved one with the same long-term struggles with a health issue and I know how they feel. I see what it is like. Hawk will let me know, when or if, our journey is at an end. But, I’ll be damned if I will let a nonchalant data driven young professional tell me she is willing to put Hawk to sleep for me. I’ll tell you this out of experience, data is merely a tool…yes a valuable tool, but life doesn’t always go with “the data”. Pluses and minuses of life. I’ve sucked it up 100’s of times, used my drive and intellect, and managed to make it, and then again, managed to let go. The last of the hay is baled, loaded, hauled and stored for winter. I’ll get my calving pasture ready today. I’ll get the bred heifers gathered, hauled home and poured, and turned out to their calving digs..maybe tomorrow. I can be the definition of “grit in action”…just ask my abusive two ex-husbands who tried to abuse and break my spirit and life. Failure happens in life but I damn sure don’t shrug my shoulders and let failure cover me like a slow-motion bank of clouds in the sky…like turning away, making up some excuse for failing attempts, and letting a coolness to life settle into my mind. Life can be good. Life can be cruel. We all leave earthly life eventually. But I’d like to be at peace as many times as possible. Peace takes years sometimes…don’t kid yourself. But giving up can be much harsher. That’s it Dear Digital Diary. I appreciate all the comforting spiritual concerns from everyone. ~ Tears as I close.

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August 31 at 8:40am · Edited ·
~~ Hey Ya’ll ~~
I am still alive. But to be honest it is by a thread. Cowdog Hawk is hanging in there. Last week was bleek, very bleek. With a change in her antibiotics and 3 1/2 days out on the new antibiotic she seems to be feeling better. I’ve read and researched pancycopenia diets and made some adjustments to her food. The antibiotic she is on now is not a friend of the tummy or digestive system. The nursing care for her is a juggling act. If you ever have a loved one who experiences the same symptoms as Cowdog Hawk’s story…well, then you fully understand. To those of you who have written with family stories of similar nature…I love your encouragement and so gratefully appreciate your stories. Some days, I am operating from one light bulb moment to the next. Yesterday, heck, I was mowing hay…you know, the normal June work being done on last day or so of August through 1st week of September. I should be putting the finishing touches on getting cows/heifers moved home for calving and having things “just right”. Sheetfar…so behind. But the spring rain was wonderful and to be honest we are bone dry again. How does that happen? lol… Spent 2 hours on Saturday morning driving the dozer fella around. Spent 2 hours on Sunday driving the logger fella around. Spent 5 hours mowing hay and going back/forth to home to care for Cowdog Hawk. Everything else in the normal routine of a day is hangin’ fire until I can get this last minute haying done. Even not going to hay as much as once thought. Going to mow the tops down so that I can see the cows and let them have their calving pasture. There are times in life when you have to step outside of the traditional box and just punt. You can pick punt or crack and I try to pick “punt”. Might take me a few days to process a mental plan, but I’ve had to force myself to survive a lot of tough crap in my life and the summer and pre-fall 2015 is another one of those challenging phases I will live through. Well, I hope I live through it. I just felt so much more alive and positive when the daily temperatures were in the 70’s. Why is that? Now, back to 90’s or high 80’s and opaque skies with lots of southern moisture…I feel like a slug. Why is that?
So. I gotta go. But, thought I’d take just a bit to gulp a coffee mug of brown liquid with some of the finest fresh from the farm maply syrup from Matt Carter (look him up on FB) and the Longhorn Sugar Shack. Matt is jugging up another gallon or so and sending the sweet nectar my way. I don’t use sugar anymore and my joints appreciate the love of the maple syrup and the skipping of the refined sugar. Haven’t purchased a bag of refined sugar for years…cook, bake, caffeinate with Matt’s home-tapped, home-cooked, amber brown goodness.
Thank you for the continued prayers and spiritual support for Cowdog Hawk. I’ll be sweating like a leopard frog today. ~Carry On…

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August 26 at 2:22pm ·
National Dog Day 2015…
Reflecting back to the extreme drought year 2012 and a load of BertxHawk youngsters. Cowdog Hawk is the black gal on the seat. Bless Cowdog Hawk and her kids…may she live to see another National Dog Day.

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August 25 at 8:45am · Edited ·
~~ Cowdog Hawk Update…Tuesday, August 25, 2015 ~~
The last 48 hours have been filled with a lot of detailed nursing work…since the GCSF being given to Hawk on Friday. Monitoring temperatures, respiration levels, water intake, food intake, appetite, nose, eyes, energy levels, keeping ice packs in towels for Hawk to use if she feels hot, walking ratings…nursing care on steriods. In the meantime, the working cowdog crew and I loaded up and headed N to gather two pastures of heifers so that I could come back later to spray for flies. Yesterday morning was in the 50’s, the flies were really pestering these two pastures of cattle and with it being cooler, well, the flies needed warm places to hang out. Which made it perfect to hit them with a knock-down and residual. Figured I knock the pests off before I moved these two groups home for calving. I need to get them home in the next few days…hopefully I’ll get that done. Hawk slept well last night. I confess I did too for a few hours since I indulged in wine after I got her 11 PM schedule complete. I slept ’til 2 or 2:30 and then caught up on the world news. It has been refreshing to watch global news to get a broader perspective of their economies and what is going on that the USA media doesn’t report on. There are a lot of similarities though…wildfires, drought, rampant migrations by the 10’s of 1,000’s of folks wanting to get into central Europe and the ultimate goal of the Scandinavian countries. The further N they can get, the better their chances of a new life…so they state. Thought to myself, “Watch out Denmark, Norway and Sweden. Here come your new folk.” 5:00 AM came along and Hawk shot up out of bed and wanted “out”. I was excited too…I could see, “I gotta poop”, written all over her face! Wahoo…let’s go. Out the door, into the dark we went. I still smelled lingering pine smoke in the air but it was not as strong as the 11:00 PM air from the NNW. Fittingly, the ever-present warrior Orion was in the ESE sky on his side like he was napping. A small plane heading N ran along a straight line from Orion’s left foot to Orion’s right hand…blinking the little red light…as I wondered if Orion felt flown on. A few more days of cooler weather and the weather man states we will be back to hot, humid, and hazy. Fall sure feels like it is making its way here. There have been masses of black birds in the trees, some elm leaves are falling and the sounds of grasshoppers in the pastures are so loud they make your head ring.
I guess, it is just another day in paradise.

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August 23 at 1:31pm ·
Friday…heading out for Hawk’s appt. at the UMC Veterinary Teaching Hospital…neither Hawk or I look fancy or enthused but here we go! Hawk’s Sunday update is listed below if you want to know how she is doing so far. Thank you for all the prayers and wonderful get well thoughts.

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August 23 at 9:48am ·

Sunday morning…thank you to everyone who is following and praying for Ms. Hawk. Knowing what to anticipate, we are in a rough patch the last 12 hours and will be the same or a little rougher until Monday. The GCSF is a challenging drug to the bone marrow and we are now in the thick of the drug’s travels in her system. She is a little dumpy, ate pretty good this morning, drank water, pee’d on her short walk, and took her oral meds like a princess. She is resting, switching sides on her own throughout the night to reposition herself on her ice packs. I am watchful and anxious but supportive to her needs.
I am catching up on a lot of TV during the night and wee morning hours. No cable/satellite and that has been a good thing. I’ve learned a lot beyond the media circles outside of the USA. Q? Do you know what the number one global issue is…Greece, Macedonia, France, Germany, United Kingdom, more modern countries of S. Africa, Spain, the inner countries of Europe? Answer = migration/immigration of undocumented people…termed illegals. The walls and fences that countries have built to hold the migrants/immigrants back are no taller than a 5-6 foot yard fence with gates every so often and no guards or guards being overrun. The number of migrants/immigrants into other countries on a country by country basis is 100,000 to over 800,000 so far in 2015. Can I get a, “Yikes!” The countries facing this overrun of non-documented people are mostly countries which have historically been or built socialized systems for their people. The comments from country leaders are universal…we (our country) cannot afford to care for these migrating people…we don’t have the finances, the healthcare, the law enforcement, the housing, the jobs, the schools, the immediate medical supplies or facilities to stay ahead of the diseases and contagious medical issues these people bring into our countries, and the list went on and on. Folks, the USA has been a kind an generous land of opportunity throughout its history. Yet, one needs to remember the Europeans, and others, came to this virgin land and freight-trained the Native American tribes who dotted the lands from E to W and N to S. Here is my take away from the hours of global news as I see it applying to all of the world, “Be legal. Go home. Take up your issues with your monarchies, dictators, presidents, tribal leaders.” Uh, Tammy? “That is not going to happen.” The media folks from the other countries state this…The massive droves of people pillaging into countries is a direct result of other countries giving guns and ammunition to rebels who then go about the business of overthrowing their countries governments. The poor people and the tribal people can stay and be gunned down or they can massively migrate to try to save their lives. All I can say is, “America’s problems seem a little less significant but by gosh we better get the dumping countries at the table to let them know they need to take care of their own.” Anyone see the USA news clip that showed Mexico government authorities and politicians meeting in the SW USA this past week and telling USA authorities and politicians to stop sending their migrants/immigrants back home to their original countries because “they don’t want them”. No country should be shamed or coerced into a sympathetic mindset of taking other countries’ folks. It ain’t right.

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